Hooking Up

March 2023

Hooking up has reached a point where it's boring to me now.

I have the same vapid conversations. There isn't a lot of room for comfortable silences. You haven't yet built up the rapport for that. You don't learn anything new about yourself; you barely learn anything new about the other person. You hit the basics.

Wow, your home town sounds so different from mine. Where do you want to travel to next? What do you do for fun? Do you like to read?

You can yet navigate deeper conversations. With a close friend, you would ask how their brother is doing. You would know that their brother just had a child, so you would ask about that. You would ask them a specific work issue that they mentioned in the past. You would share stories about other friendships with them and they would know. And you would know they care.

Perhaps the last point is the most important one - you would know that they care. There is a bond in that. You may still have "regular" conversations with your closests friends, but you would know that they care about you. And that love brings a warmth to the interaction. In a hookup, there is no warmth.

I think my conclusion is to stop pursuing hook ups so much. Avoid them. Put them off to the wayside. They aren't that fun. They're a quick fling to show yourself that you are still desired. That part is nice. But for everything else, there's better ways to spend your time. Spend your time building geniune relationships with people that share your interests. THAT is a worthwile pursuit.