Influenced

February 2023

Influenced by American culture. For example, the concept of private property did not exist in tribal Congo or native American tribes. But as an American, the idea of private property is very important to me. It is codified in our laws. To take another person's private property is to do a great crime. One that is punishable by years in jail.

Influenced by social media. I open my Twitter feed and I see everyone's success stories. I see... people making influencer-style posts about programming, entrepreneurship, art, technology, and more. Some are doing truly incredible things, and others are posting such that it seems like they're doing incredible things. It's hard to look at that and not feel some sort of inadequancy. Could I be doing more? Are they more successful than me? Should I be trying harder? If I don't, will I fail?

I think social media, at least for me, is a deterrent. It makes me want to do less, not more. For some reason, I feel defeated by seeing others succeeding. Why is that? What feels exists inside of me that makes me feel this way? This is jealousy. It is insecurity. I am not enough. They are better than me. And because they are better than me, they will defeat me in society. I am not enough. I do not feel any joy for their success.

It used to be this way, but it is not true of how I feel about my closest friends and family. I am happy for them. I do feel joy. And I seldom ever feel jealousy of the people I love. In person, I don't feel it about strangers either. I am happy for others and I feel real joy when they succeed.

It primarily happens on the internet. There is something disambiguitating about the internet. It is no longer human-to-human emotional transmission. It is... in-human in some way. I would never treat a person in-person the way I feel about seeing people on the internet. When I see them in-person, they're so much easier to love. Online, they're so much easier to hate. They're no longer "humans". They're threat vectors. Threats to my success. Threats to my security. Threats to my culture. Perhaps this is influenced by my having grown up on the internet. I cannot say for sure.

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Do I have something consequential to say here? Or is this simply a realization about myself?

At a quick glance, I see two categories here: destructive and informative.

My point of view on social media is destructive. I am demotivated by seeing others' success. That is not good for me, and I am not propogating happiness. Though it is not much, I am passing forward hatred. Now... I can choose to avoid this entirely by shutting down my social media. Or, I can overcome my personal weakness and engage with people in a positive way. Find people that are in my area of expertise and interact with them. Cheer on their success. Be happy for them. Explictly say as much. I can choose to be an active participant. With this action, I need to change philisophically and psychologically. I must understand that their gain is not my loss. There is plenty of space for all of us in society. After all, we created it. It is not a finite concept. It is infinite. Whether or not Earth's resources are infinite is another question, but society status is an infinite concept.

My realization about American culture is informative. It is not bad; it is not good. It just is. Acknowledging it allows me to deconstruct the essence of being human so that I may more often by my natural self... whatever that is. The version of myself that is not tainted by culture. Perhaps all humans devolve into the same thing. I don't know, but it's a fascinating thought. I think this is valuable because it allows us to live most naturally. I am interested in living naturally because I think it keeps my mind most clear and free of negative thoughts. Thoughts of things like jealousy, hatred, and fear. Negative, unconstructive thoughts. Instead, my mind is full of virtue, resoluteness, discipline, and certainty in knowing I am who I am. A true confidence.